If the plane is about to crash into the ground or into the water, men, put your head on the seat in front of you and women you have to put your head between your knees (Good luck with that!). If there is a child beside you, push the child forcefully down. It will save your life. We are not sure how it will help the child, but as we know, you will be only concerned about yourself at this point. Also, put your seat belt on for ultimate safety in case of a plane crash. This way you will be strapped to your chair as it plummets directly into the ground or water. Lastly, close your eyes if you are an adult, the child should keep their's open.
Ok, look. We understand your right to breastfeed in public, but seriously, if we are about to crash you might want to think about stopping for just a few minutes. We are just saying, it might be safer if you stopped. Please don't be offended, it is really just a suggestion.
If you look out the window with a ski mask on and you see smoke, fire, glass (how that got out there, we are not sure), or water don't open stuff. Nothing, not even your mouth! Now if you are not wearing a ski mask and you see this stuff outside the window, well, there are no rules here but feel free to open whatever you feel like.
Ladies, remember, just because there is an emergency and you might be floating in a river, a lake, the ocean, or a very large swimming pool it is very important that your continue to act like a lady and keep your knees together, your ankles crossed, and your hair in perfect style as you were taught in etiquette school.
As your airline, we care not only about your safety, but also your health. Stop smoking. It will kill you. (Someone should really tell the Europeans this....)
When the right time comes, and keep in mind not everyone gets this privilege, modified duck masks will fall from the ceiling. Put yours on first, because really it is too much fun to wait for others, and then put on one the dumpy kid sitting beside you. He really needs the help as you can tell, bless his heart. (You can say anything you want about a person as long as you add, "bless his/her heart", at the end. That makes it all better.)
Picture Seven, last one!
This last one is a quiz. You heard us say as we went through the instructions with you that if there was an emergency and you were sitting in an exit aisle that you would be responsible for opening the door and then helping others out. Which one of the pictures above shows the correct procedure? Note that all of the above did start with a person putting on the required ski mask before looking out the window.
The answer is A and C. The person in B is the only one who stayed to help. The others did the right thing and ran for their lives. Notice how they are no longer even in the picture once they got the door open. Plus, we are sure they sat at the exit so they could be the first ones out! Survival of the fittest is our philosophy, too!
Thank you for choosing our airline. We know you have a choice when choosing an airline and we hope you had an enjoyable flight! Bye now!